As a chaotic alcoholic, personality disorder sufferer, agoraphobic, anxiety-disordered depressive who was able to turn my life around, people often ask me what the best way to change and rebuild your life is!
One of the reasons I studied multiple disciplines is that is not as simple as just telling someone what to do.
You may have faulty thinking to work on, limiting beliefs to challenge, a poor sense of self-esteem to recover, negative reactions and behaviours to reform, and emotional pain to heal.
This is why I use a combination of DBT, coaching, and subconsious tools such as hypnotherapy and NLP to cover all ground.
So while I will never be able to get across in one post the whole formula for changing your life, I can give you my top tips to start turning your life around.
The number one thing that has to change before you can hope to change your life is your attitude.
My Top Healthy Attitude Tips
Look for the positives
You will never change your life if you are someone who insists on looking at the negative side of things, because you won’t be open enough to see opportunities. Negative thinkers are notoriously rigid (I know; I was one). To change, you need to be flexible.
Have an open mind
If you are someone who thinks everything is black and white, you need to open yourself up to the grey areas. I would never have recovered if I hadn’t opened myself up to new therapies, philosophies, and ways of being.
Accept things you can not change
There is absolutely no point in fighting reality. You are wasting your time and energy trying. Complaining changes nothing. Hating things changes nothing. Denial changes nothing. Accepting things frees up your mental energy so you can deal with the things you can change.
Be willing to try
It sometimes feels difficult to change. We may dig our heels in, become frightened, and get stuck. You do not have to do everything perfectly to start recovering; you just need to be willing to keep trying and do your best. Never tell yourself you can’t do something. You can, even if it means baby steps at times.
Don’t beat yourself up
If there is anything that is key in slowing the process of change, it’s beating yourself up. No-one was born with a manual on life, so think of yourself as a learner. It’s normal to make mistakes when you’re learning.
Be mindful
Look mindfully (not harshly) at how your reactions are contributing to the painful place you are now in. Non-judgementally, look at your life to see where you may be defeating yourself.
If you’ve made mistakes or couldn’t control your responses in the past, remember you do have the power to change that. Awareness is the first step. You can do it!
Take responsibility
You are responsible for sorting your life out. You may not have caused all your problems. But whoever or whatever caused you trauma and pain, you have to be the one to sort it and let it go. No-one else can.
Put your recovery and mental health first
ABOVE ALL ELSE, including your pride
Ask for help if you need it
You have to be the one willing to change and do the work, but you don’t have to do it alone. In fact, you will be making your task a lot harder if you don’t get good, effective help.
A good therapist can see your blind spots. They have tools you may not even know about. And they can provide support while you are in the process of sorting your life out and becoming who you want to be.
